Sometimes I find myself on the brink, bearly holding back the emotions that are lurking behind the gates ready to destroy me. I push them back into subconscious, their taste too bitter and their weight too heavy to swallow.

The rawness of the reality we've been exposed to is sometimes too real to digest and yet that is the exact reason we've exposed ourselves to it in the first place. Experimentaton is one of the more facinating concepts I've ever encountered - adventure, risk, discovery, exploration... Challenging myself and testing my limits and approaching some unknown potential within myself are things in which I hope to measure my life.

The Year of the Monkey has come to mind on more than one occasion and for various reasons, some of which I will keep to myself. I will say that grooming makes me happy.

Since celibacy seems to be inevitable here, one may wonder the methods for compensation. Well oddly enough, there's some grotesque satisafaction (fetish?) in itching mosquito bites until you break skin. I have 23 mosquito bites right now. =)

I have seen beaucoup de scarification here and I wish it for myself. Perhaps, a treat for myself at the end of a 2 year journey.

My post will require me to become an awesome bike rider. Biker Butt here I come!

"...what I learned about myself was like a reminder of something I'd once known but had nearly forgotten - namely, that beneath the elegant clothing and the accomplished dancing, and the clever conversation, my life had no complexity at all..." -Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

Je voudrais vous présenter...

So much has happened in the month plus since I left it is hard to know where to begin. I am in fact doing well - my stools are solid (for now) and my mental health is intact (sometimes). Actually, I am fairing better than I expected. There was a moment during staging in Philadelphia when I was standing in the shower and had the closest thing to a panic attack that I have ever had. Perhaps, I was lamenting over the impending absense of said shower or just a major case of self doubt, but regardless, I am here, writing this draft (ahead of time) via candlelite lantern. I must add that my first night with my host familywas also difficult, but I believe a lot of that emotion was a biproduct of stress and exhaustion. A good night's sleep does wonders here. Since I am on the topic of health, I will say that I have suffered from dehydration, headaches, mild heat rash, heat edema (swelling of the hands and feet) and my eyes have developed a sensitivity to the sun in which I have echoes/floaters in my vision. This means I wear a hat/visor and sunglasses whenever I am outside. I also have intestinal cramps about every morning when I wake up, which is relieved by immediately going to the bathroom. Some of my fellow stagiaires (trainees) have not been so lucky. For example, I have heard reports of shingles, diarrhea, vomiting, constipation, nausea, rashes, nightmares, etc... I am sure the ameobas, giardia and parasites wil come soon enough. In fact, I have already met current volunteers who have shat themselves multiple times in one day or who have had giardia consistantly for 2 years straight. Granted, this is not a guarantee it will happen, but it is a possibility. Yay for sharts!